Happy Sunday everyone! Hope you’re all having a good weekend! Today, I’m hosting the blog tour for Delivery by Emanuela Barasch-Rubinstein with an extract for you to read!
Massive thanks to Zoe O’Farrell of Zooloo’s Blog Tours and for the extract I’m sharing today
When Daphne becomes pregnant, it isn’t only her life that changes…
For her husband Amir, for their parents, and for their friends Guy and Abigail, the pregnancy and birth force them all to look at their own lives, at what they want, at their pasts and their futures.
Each person has a different perspective of the delivery, and of the complexity of having a child: the difference between men and women, a changing self-perception of parents, conflicts between work and parenthood.
Lives are changed, and the equilibrium each of them has achieved is fundamentally disturbed until, after the delivery, they can find a new balance for the future.
(A monologue of the father-to-be)
As I was sitting there, reconstructing the very short meeting and the phone call that followed it, my gaze travelling round the walls of the office, lingering on the photos of my colleague’s children, the phone rang again. Sari. I couldn’t help the trembling that seized me, increasing with every ring, preventing me from taking the call or disconnecting it. Time and again she calls, she finds my determination for us to stop seeing each other amusing. Sometimes I think that if I had said nothing, she wouldn’t have called. But my words, the attempt to break this carnal bond, to persuade myself that I can overcome lust, provoke her desire to see me surrender. And when I manage to avoid her calls she texts me, “When will we meet?”
“Remember Wednesday morning?”
“I will be waiting for you tomorrow at one o’clock, at lunch break.”
I ignore most messages, resolved not to give in, thinking of Daphne, of the baby about to be born. I even imagine what Mum would say if she knew. Despite all this, there are rare occasions where I meet her at her house. They could be counted on the fingers of one hand.
Strange, the excitement generated by this passion is never complete. I used to imagine this kind of lust as sweeping, intoxicating. Now I discover that it is blended with a touch of hatred; a loathing of both myself and Sari that never completely disappears. In every moment of pleasure there is a drop of anger, which I don’t quite understand, a rage that increases gradually, nurturing the desire. Last time, standing at the door on my way out, I watched Sari lying naked on the bed (smiling without revealing her secret) and I felt that I detested her. The big breasts, the flat stomach, everything that seemed so seductive was now too full, almost disgusting. When I left I tried to smile and said: “You understand I can’t go on like this?” and she (as always) looked at me with a hint of a smile, like a naughty, spoilt girl.
But most of the time, I don’t answer her calls. There is no point in long explanations, everything is clear. The thought of Daphne finding out about us almost makes me faint. Every time I think about it I see her wide eyes looking at me with pain and accusation. Endlessly I imagine what would happen. I would deny it, say it isn’t true; then I would start crying, ask for forgiveness, say I don’t know what made me cheat on her like this, she knows how much I love her; I would beg for forgiveness, do anything to have her absolve me.
Sometimes I hope it would all be exposed, I prefer atonement to the fear.
Often after work I go to the coffee shop on Tel Baruch beach. In wintertime it is almost empty—the cold drives away even the regular customers. I sit at the bar on the deck, facing the sea, and once in a while I even walk down to the chairs on the sand, right next to the water. The dark sea is comforting. I watch the high waves, or I close my eyes and inhale the sea air. When will this baby finally be born?
Who Is Emanuela Barasch-Rubinstein?
Emanuela Barasch-Rubinstein is a writer and a scholar in the Humanities. This is her second work of fiction, following Five Selves, published in 2015 by Holland House Books. Her non-fiction work includes The Devil, the Saints, and the Church, Nazi Devil, and Mephisto in the Third Reich: Literary representations of Evil in Nazi Germany. Emanuela also translated Evans-Prichards’ Theories of Primitive Religion and Dodd’s The Greek and the Irrational from English into Hebrew.
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