Hire Idiots by Professor I.M. Nemo @FoxSpiritBooks #damppebblesblogtours #extract #HireIdiots

Happy Wednesday !!! We’re half way through the week, the weekend is almost here! And I’m delighted to be welcoming the blog tour for Hire Idiots by Professor I M Nemo to A Knight’s Reads. I’ve got an enticing extract from the book to whet your literary appetite!

Big thanks to Emma Welton of damppebbles blog tours for inviting me on the blog tour.

The Blurb

‘This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to the living or the dead is purely coincidental and ought to make you ashamed at the comparison.’


Unfortunately, the murder may get lost in the confusion of new vice presidents, marketers, focus groups, assessors and protestors as the administration tries to make education profitable. There’s no time for mystery!

Professor Clarence Van Dyke finds himself bewildered by the changes, but determined to get to the bottom of the killing. He wants his friend to rest in peace – or perhaps he just wants to spend more time with the attractive Detective Riordan. But isn’t he the primary suspect?

The Extract

The Body

Elmer consulted his organizational chart for Kingsley College. Under the President’s office listing he found the emergency number with a handwritten note It must actually be an emergency! His gaze wandered back to the pasty face of the good professor. He looked rather surprised, truth to be told. That suggested a stranger, Elmer thought, his mind turning to likely scenarios based on his many hours of watching detective shows on television. After a moment Elmer considered the alternative possibility that it might also be someone he knew, but never expected to actually kill him. Murder was a complicated business.

The phone rang several times before the president answered with a rather snippy tone. Elmer identified himself per standard protocol and then broke the news as gently as he could. Whatever reaction he may have expected from the president, it was not the one he received.

‘That bastard,’ the president said. His tone was difficult to pin down. There was almost a sense of admiration to it.

‘Is there a next of kin I should contact, or would you like to take care of that yourself, sir?’ Elmer hoped it would be the latter.

‘I’ve no idea. You’ll have to talk to personnel in the morning.’

‘Me?’ Elmer frowned and tried to recover his composure. ‘Surely that would be more appropriate—’

‘I don’t care who does it. It’s not my job. As of four this afternoon I no longer work at this college so you can call the Board of Trustees or the English chair or Aunt Flo for all I care.’ He laughed with far more heartiness than the moment warranted.

‘He has an Aunt Flo?’ Elmer grasped at the faintest hope.

‘Kid, that’s a joke. I suppose you could ask Van Dyke, he might know. They at least occasionally drank together. I don’t know that the old buzzard had many friends and I don’t recall him ever mentioning family. Otherwise it’s Personnel in the morning. Now I need my beauty sleep because I have to make up a resignation letter in the morning to pre-empt the announcement. Don’t want to be caught flat-footed.’ And he rang off.

Elmer felt the lack of a university education at that moment because the references failed to spark any sort of connection in his mind. He did not have phone numbers for the Board members. The English Department chair did not answer the phone and the line abruptly cut off before he could leave a message. What was the other name the out-going president mentioned? Ah yes, Van Dyke—like that Englishman in Mary Poppins. Consulting his organizational chart he found the listing under the department with a home phone in brackets.

Glancing out the window, Elmer wondered why the response time was so slow from emergency services. At least a police officer ought to have appeared by now. If nothing else, murder was always very interesting and people liked to have a look in even if they did have to call higher ups to sort out the complications.

A few minutes later he had a very groggy professor Van Dyke on the phone. It took a bit to understand what he was saying as he was indeed English or something like that, but at last the man grasped the undeniable fact of death.

‘It’s a terrible shame, I suppose,’ Van Dyke said with a cough, ‘but is there some reason you particularly wanted to let me know?’

‘Ah, the president thought you might know the next of kin. We didn’t want to wait until the personnel office opened in the morning.’ Elmer was pleased to remember to use the corporate ‘we’ in the call. His supervisor would be pleased.

Who Is Professor I M Nemo?

Who knows…….

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